2008.....What a Year it Was

Arabic

German

Portuguese

Chinese

Italian

Russian

Japanese

Spanish

French

Korean (About)

I'm horoscope addicted, probably because I seem to live with one foot hanging off of a cliff all of the time. That doesn't mean I don't have faith. It just means I've always got one eye in a telescope toward where that faith may lead. So while I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of the 2009 horoscopes. 2008....what a year it was!

After eight fun and frantic years (longer than I've ever lived anywhere), we packed up and moved 3,000 miles east. Actually, we packed, re-packed, un-packed, downsized, packed again, unpacked, called in the recruits(neighbors and strangers) to carry off anything and everything that wouldn't fit into 8 boxes, then threw the rest in two overheaped dumpsters outside our building where it was all scavenged some more. On the way out, one neighbor called in her boyfriend to do some additional dumpster diving for her. And on our last trip to the trash at 4 a.m. we met the SWAT Team coming in our building door. Wrong address! Thank heavens!

Our Arab landlord, in the country courtesy of a 20 year, no questions asked work visa via Beliz, drove us to the Downtown Los Angeles Greyhound Bus Terminal blasting some "I hate America" radio station courtesy satellite radio. Minus my thoughts on his choice of radio stations, he was a very nice man to take us where licensed Taxi cabs wont travel and carry our bags in and see us off like an old friend. We had just barely met.

A sweet and sympathetic ticket agent at Greyhound kindly fixed our bags with handicapped stickers. Probably more out of sympathy for the the other Greyhound employees than for us. Adept at carting big, heavy luggage through crowded bus terminals we are not. Graceless and a potentially catastrophic hazard we are.

Starting out with 3,000 miles ahead of us and $21 to our names we landed in Lubbock, TX with $6 and four suitcases "WITH WHEELS", filled with hair barrettes and chenille teddy bears that we had made to sell for money to get us the rest of the way. In Lubbock, my long lost Rusty Daddy was waiting with a car that got us the rest of the way and then some. Lucky for us the suit case wheels weren't necessary afterall.



Our first night in Tennessee began at 4 a.m. searching for our new address, "The key is in the mail box.

When you get there you can't see the driveway so just drive through the trees across from the box." She failed to mention it was potentially off of a mountain. That took some doing. And after navigating that, we arrive to a strange man following us in on our front door - drill in one hand, hammer in the other. Bonnie demanded that he leave and he refused. Demanded the key, he refused. Demanded his name, he refused. We locked ourselves in the car, called the cops in this little tiny town of less than 6,000. More Mayberry than L.A.P.D. He saw them coming and got in his van and lead footed it out of the house. The local Barney Fife chased him down and sent him back to our house the following afternoon to introduce himself and apologize for squatting on our property. Oh, I just love the South! Thankfully, he was harmless and very polite when ordered by the police to be so.

A week later, we ran into our local WalMart (in this tiny, conservative, Christian town of only 6,000) when passing the jewelry counter I see us passing a very tall man in spandex biker shorts with a very big erection. WOW? I wasn't expecting THAT in small town Tennessee. Only to exit the store and finding the same man crouched down behind a van in the parking lot, butt naked and at full salute. I called the police from my cell phone. Awe.... that poor, unsuspecting 911 lady. In spite of the small townness of it, there is video surveillance in the WalMart parking lot that the police department could access while I was on the telephone with them. Note to self: Don't let your guard down just because you're not walking around alone in Downtown Los Angeles.

First day of summer was also first day of river tubing for us. Freezing cold water and a beautiful ride until we found ourselves, along with all of the other tubers, in unnavigable rapids. I only lost my glasses and shoes. A sweet 7 year old recovered my tube from downstream. Bonnie broke a few ribs and dislocated a shoulder. It was still a really fun ride! We did take our tubing to Splash Country after that though. Good thinking. 2008 was a record year for river accidents and deaths in this part of Tennessee because of the higher than normal water levels. Did I mention that I can't swim?

California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Virginia, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia....... no grass growing under our feet this year. That's for sure! Certainly an exhausting one.

Gas went to $5.49 a gallon. OUCH! And just when we thought we had eaten the icing on the cake, $5.49 a gallon gas dried up all the pumps and we were, for a while, immobile. Oh fun times. NOT!

Have you ever lost a tampon up your hoo ha? I did. And I didn't even know you could. String came out - tampon didn't. Thankfully it found it's way out but don't make the mistake of thinking those things are defect proof! Lucky for me I didn't have to explain THAT to my gynecologist after the silver nitrate up my hoo ha incident.

Well, maybe a ghost has been haunting me or maybe not. The jury is still out on that, but that Saturn cycle that began in 2006 and was suppose to bring me health problems for many months sure came through. Staph infection, e-coli, and klebsiella pneumonia all in one. Good bye Saturn - I hope.

CornBread and AppleJack came to live with us!

Such cute little boy kitty cats! AppleJack is a cross between George Hamilton and Pepe le Pew. Cornbread is more of a real estate tycoon. He found a new condo in the kitchen. Nice choice! He picked the cabinet just under is food drawer, across from his treat door, and next to the water dish. We were all in the living room when we heard clanking sounds coming from the kitchen. Apple Jack looked at me. I looked at Bonnie. Bonnie looked at Jack and then we all headed for the noise. At the end of the kitchen cans were flying out of the cabinet and into the center of the floor. Little 2-and-a-half-pound Corn Bread was chucking 16-ounce cans out to make room for his new digs. It took Bonnie about 5 seconds to evict him. Now he's eyeing the dishwasher. Somehow I don't think waterfront property is what he really has in mind. Applejack is more of an architect. He moved the 4-foot step ladder across the living room and next to their kitty condo. I guess it was an expansion project. Now if only I could teach them to knit!

I had a crazy downstairs neighbor that broke her lease. As her excuse she told the landlord that, "her boyfriend can't screw her because we work too much and the scissor sounds are distracting to him."

WHAT?!

Oh yes she did. And she came upstairs on her way out to tell us the same thing. I replied, "And so, how do you figure the Hooter's waitress with the big butt in the blue car that comes over every night when you are gone figures into this?" She had no response but they all moved the next day. hmmm....

2008.....what a year it was!